Words of Jeremiah

I'm currently reading through the book of Jeremiah. It's such a sad book. But at the same time, it's such a revealing book. It shows a God who feels, who hurts for His people. So many cries and pleadings to repent and return to what they were made for. This passage in chapter 2 really caught my attention:

"Go west and look in the land of Cyprus;
go east and search through the land of Kedar.
Has anyone ever heard of anything as strange as this?
Has any nation ever traded its gods for new ones,
even though they are not gods at all?
Yet my people have exchanged their glorious God
for worthless idols!
The heavens are shocked at such a thing
and shrink back in horror and dismay,"
says the LORD.
"For my people have done two evil things:
They have abandoned me--
the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns
that can hold no water at all!"

When we sin and turn away from the LORD and His purpose for us, I think it's fair to ask, is there anything as strange as this? Why would His people, whom he created and loves and protects, want to turn away from Him to other gods that they know are false and won't bring satisfaction. We are a silly people. We are truly strange.

Of Things Gained

After being home from our monastic J-term and getting some time to relax and sleep in, I've also had time to reflect and converse with others about the things I gained from this experience. Many parts of the experience were pretty far outside my comfort zone, and they raised a lot of questions in me. Fortunately, I was always able to openly discuss my questions or skepticisms among the brothers or my friends, which sometimes helped and sometimes only raised more questions. Even with my questions, my main attitude during the whole two weeks was to be open to what God wanted to teach me, no matter how uncomfortable that may be. This was probably the best thing I could have done.

First off, I would say that as a result of this J-term class, my relationship with the Lord has grown A LOT! I feel so much closer to the Lord in a day-by-day and a moment-by-moment basis. I WANT to read the Scriptures, I WANT to pray, I WANT to worship. This has been great since being back and not having anything to do, which often results in boredom and slacking off for me.

I think one of the best things about the entire experience was just to be around these brothers who have committed their entire lives to the Lord. They have given up the possibility of wives and children, they have given up earning lots of money, they have given up personal freedom in order to devote themselves fully to the Lord. To know this and to see them live that out was an awesome example to me of what radical discipleship looks like. You could tell even just by the way they talked about the Lord that their commitment was full and absolute. It's an example that I want to strive to follow in my own life now.

Even though I struggled with the charismatic aspect of the worship in the Servants of the Word brotherhood, I learned a lot from it. Within the brotherhood and their communities, they sing a lot of their own songs--songs that have been written by people within them. It was interesting to observe that none of the songs that we sang were about us at all. Every single one was purely focused on the Lord, and really praising and worshiping Him. In our pop Christian culture, we call many songs "praise n' worship," but many of them are songs about us, or about how warm and fuzzy God makes us feel inside. Not these songs. They were really PRAISE--in the true and honest sense of the word. Praising God for who He is, for His character, His love, His might, His glory, etc. And singing like this really helped me to learn how to truly praise the Lord better, on a more real level. This is something that I'm definitely taking with me.

There were lots of other things I gained from this trip, but those are the main ones. Many others flow out from those. I still have lots of questions. I still don't know if the Lord is calling me to live single or not. I think rather through all of this He was trying to teach me to be content where I'm at and to trust His plan, which I think I've gained a lot of ground on.

Now we're back on the campus of HU, and I'm excited. I know that God has something planned for our campus this semester. Something BIG. I don't know what it is yet. But I think part of it may start with the morning prayers that we're starting up. 7am on MWF. It's going to suck getting up that early 3x a week. But it should be clear that this venture is a work of God, because those of us whom He chose to work it through are notoriously NOT morning people. So that is very exciting. I'm praying that the Lord takes this, and works many other great things in order to change the face of this campus, so that its Lord and King may be YHWH, the Great One, who wants to make radical disciples of the students on this campus. For the work and the change that is yet to be done, I praise Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in advance! Amen!

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 14(the last)

1/20

Today was our last day. We had to get up at 6am, which feels a lot different than waking up at 8. Shortly after breakfast and morning prayer, we went with Ed to the Capuchin soup kitchen he helps out at. We got the chance to sit in on an AA/NA meeting that Ed facilitated. That was fascinating. Many of the people at the meeting were very open, vulnerable, and humble about the situations they were in. It was really cool to see that. After that, we went to the Capuchin monastery across the street, where we were given a tour by Brother Malcolm, an 80-something year old man who had trouble getting around, but who had a great sense of humor and was a lot of fun to talk to. The lifestyle of the Capuchins was more along the lines of what we were expecting when we came up with the idea to live with monks. They lived in this traditional (although, very nice) monastery, wore brown robes, etc. But even these monks had become somewhat modernized, as Brother Malcolm showed us his room, equipped with a TV, laptop, CD player, along with his eclectic collection of books. That was kind of funny. We watched the presidential inauguration there at the monastery with Malcolm, the cook, and another old monk who kept on making snide remarks about Bush and Cheney finally leaving the White House.

We got back to the house and had a few hours to catch up on reading or nap before our last session on our Desert Fathers book. The last two chapters of that were actually really interesting stories. So I guess the book wasn't so bad, overall.

After dinner, we packed all our stuff up, said our goodbyes, and left for a UCO prayer meeting in Ann Arbor. The prayer meeting was an awesome time of worship, and the speaker, a priest, gave a great message about the power of the Spirit in evangelizing. After the meeting, we tried to get out pretty quick and got back on the road for our trek back to good ole' HU.

Overall, this experience was a really great one, and definitely worth it. I feel like I learned a lot and grew a lot closer in my relationship with God. I'm sure I'll post more on here about the things that I've learned or grown in.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 13

1/19

Today was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so we got to sleep in again until 8. God bless that man. Mid-morning, Mark led us in our last foundations session, on living manly character with biblical models. These sessions on manhood have almost seemed kind of sexist to me, but that could just be the influence of my modern, egalitarian culture talking. I don't know, I'm just trying to be open to whatever God might have to teach me. It's just tough sometimes discerning what that might be.

After lunch, Ed and Doc took us on a tour of the city of Detroit by car. It was pretty sad. Detroit just seems to be dying, with all the homelessness, pollution, and the thousands of abandoned buildings around the city. I don't even know what could save it at this point. There seemed to be a lot of despair as we drove around.

We went to a Detroit Community Outreach (basically the small Sword of the Spirit community here) meeting for dinner and prayer. It was a really good time of prayer and worship. It's interesting to me the huge role that music (what we protestants would just call "worship") plays in their prayer. It's not what I would typically think of as prayer, but I like it.

When we got back from that, Ed sat us down and talked to us about being baptized in the Spirit and the spiritual gifts that come with that. Before night prayer the men of the house laid hands on us HU guys and prayed for the release of the fullness of the Holy Spirit into our lives. During this time, I definitely felt like the Holy Spirit was present, but nothing spectacular happened, like I was kind of expecting it to. None of us were slain in the Spirit or spoke in tongues. So did I get baptized in the Spirit? I don't know. That's been my main prayer the last week and a half, to receive the fullness of the Holy Spirit, and I believe that God wants that for me too. So I don't know if anything really happened to me or the other guys tonight. We'll just have to see how it plays out and what God does in our lives.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 12

1/18

Today was Sunday, the Lord's Day. We began at 8 with breakfast and morning prayer. I love starting out the day this way. It's a great time to consecrate and submit the day ahead to the Lord. We went with Doc to a small African-American church. It was an interesting experience. I've been to African-American churches before and loved it, but at this one I had trouble connecting with God and worshipping in their style. It was super long, too. But everyone there was really kind to us visitors.

This afternoon we had a Desert Fathers discussion with Doc. The book is getting better--possibly because we're realizing that we're almost done with it. After that we just had free time to relax or whatever. I decided to take a nice nap, which seems to be a recurring theme for me on this trip. This evening all we did was watch a movie with some of the brothers. It was nice to just chill today.

At dinner Ed, the house head (a really great guy who I'm coming to like a lot), talked to us about our (lack of) experience with charismatic worship. He said that a tradition in this house was to pray over people to be baptized in the Holy Spirit and suggested that we do that before we leave. This seemed like an answer to prayer for me, and I'm excited about it. It's been my prayer for the past week or so that the Lord would baptize me in the Holy Spirit, but nothing has really happened. I've wondered if it's necessary to have elders lay hands and pray over someone in order to receive the Holy Spirit, as it's done in Acts, but I've been too nervous about it to ask anyone. I know that God has more for me, and I want it. So we'll see how that turns out.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 11

1/17

Today (Saturday) we actually got to sleep in until 8am. I'll take whatever I can get. The usual breakfast and morning prayers followed, and at around 10 we went to a food bank that also had a ton of other stuff for the poor and we sorted out a lot of their leftover donations from Christmas. For some reason, I found myself really irritable during a lot of this time. I don't know why exactly, but somehow I ended up in a bad mood. I managed to hold it in and not take it out on anyone (I think), but it bothered me that such a random mood swing was getting the best of me.

After we got back and had lunch, we had a Foundations session with Mark, whose voice sounds exactly like Dr. Brautigaum's from HU, on manly character. After that we went to a middle school gym and played basketball. It was a lot of fun, but I rolled my ankle pretty bad. I hate it when that happens. I was surprised at the physical shape and athleticism of some of the older brothers. That's another thing I really admire them for--they take care of their bodies and stay fit. I think it's a part of their theology, worshipping God by taking care of what He gave them. I need to start excercising more.

This evening was the Lord's Day celebration. After only two experiences of it, I have really come to love this time. It was basically the same format as the house in Lansing did, with a few of there own unique twists here and there. The whole evening is just a night of prayer and fellowship, reminding us that Christ is the center of our lives together. I love that kind of intentional community. After dinner we had a mini house-wide Olympiad, which was a ton of fun, even though my team lost. But good times were had by all.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 10

1/16

Today was another transition day, when we moved from Chelsea to Detroit. I was pleasantly surprised overall by our short stint in Chelsea. The brothers were mostly older, but we could still joke around with them and have fun. And I felt like every one of those men there was such a vast source of wisdom that we barely got to see or tap in to.

We left for Detroit after lunch, and got here around 3, which was much earlier than they were expecting us. We've had a lot of miscommunication on this trip as far as schedules, but it's not really a big deal. When we got here, since we were so early and didn't have anything to do, I took a nap and ended up being out for about two hours. I'm probably not going to be ablet o get to sleep tonight as a result (also because I'm sleeping next to Austin, a notoriously loud snorer). After a good dinner of homemade pizza, we went with Mark, one of the brothers, to an African-American Catholic prayer meeting, which sounded very unusual, but was pretty good.

I don't really have much else for today. I've been praying that God would continue to reveal His will to us about having morning prayer at HU. Today as I was thinking about this, I started thinking about how much it's going to suck getting up that early 3 times a week. My night of sleep had waned the excitement that we initially had about it, and doubts started to creep into my head. I realize that this was our Enemy trying to get at me. So I'm just praying for confirmation and further guidance on that. Until then,

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 9

1/15

Here is the order of the morning:

Breakfast at 6am
Morning prayer
Nap
Desert Fathers discussion
Psalms session
Nap
Sexuality session
Lunch

The session on sexuality was pretty good, and in it Stan presented some really unique ideas about purity and guarding our hearts and minds. After lunch we went out with Dick to the woods, trekking through the shin-deep snow, and we burned lots of large piles of wood, and added more dead wood we found and cut up. We made a good time out of this, and we tried to keep up with Dick, a 61 year old man who is in better shape than all of us. This lasted all afternoon, and then we had a great dinner of chili and good fellowship.

After this we had a chance to sit down with Steve Clark, the founder, and some of the other elders. Steve Clark feels like such a legend to me. This man was instrumental in the beginnings of the charismatic movement and founding the communities of believers that evolved into the Sword of the Spirit, and he founded the Servants of the Word brotherhood. His leadership and influence have impacted and helped to change the lives of literally MILLIONS of people! Yet he is this meek old man, reticent in his speech, and who wears this thick flannel shirt every time I've seen him that blends in with the tan couch he was sitting on tonight. He's done so much for the Kingdom of God, and he just has this presence around him (probably just because I know of what a big deal he is) that makes him seem like a legend.

Tonight I definitely experienced God working in a few of us. He put a very similar pull in both my heart and Joel's for HU, which through our excited talking, along with Austin and eventually Justin, turned into a vision, which turned into a plan. We want to bring God back to the campus of HU in a way that encourages a commitment of radical discipleship among our peers. We are going to bring morning prayer to HU. Three times a week at 7am we are going to gather people in Fetters chapel for prayer and worship, in a similar (but not quite the same) fashion as the brothers do here. This may sound crazy, but all four of us know that this is not just another one of our crackpot ideas that will never happen. The Holy Spirit was moving among us, in our words and thoughts and plans that seemed to be so in sync among all of us. This is God's thing, and we know that He is going to bless this. It has to be His thing, because 3 out of the 4 of us are not morning people at all and are not good at finding motivation for things like this. We're excited about this, and excited for God to move on our campus. So if you're from HU and happen to be reading this, be prepared. I feel like God is going to do some great things this coming semester on our campus, and this is one way I think He is calling us to bring that about.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 8

Today started off really early--6 am. We met with the brothers at the breakfast table then did morning prayers in the same routine as the brothers in Lansing. After that I took a nap instead of preparing for the morning session. My rationale was that I could probably contribute more to the conversation if I was well-rested but unprepared than if I were well prepared but falling asleep during the session. And, as I guessed, my lack of preparedness didn't really matter anyways.

Today was the fast day for the brotherhood, so we didn't eat breakfast or lunch, but had an awesome dinner this evening to break the fast. Fasting didn't go too bad for me, but I feel like I didn't take advantage of it as a spiritual discipline. I'm still not quite sure on how to use that as a spiritual discipline. I think I've not been doing too well with gaining spiritual discipline for myself on this trip. One of my biggest struggles is setting aside time specifically for God in prayer, worship, and study. If I can't even do that here, in a controlled spiritual environment, how am I going to do on that back at school, or at home? Probably not well at all. I think I've been able to grow closer in my relationship with the Lord, but I think that has been mostly due to the inspiring influence and example of the brothers around me who have so much devotion and our times of corporate prayer and worship every day. I need to learn how to grow in the Lord on my own again.

One of the main things I love about the men in the brotherhood is that they always talk about the Lord as if He is really REAL, present in that very moment, and very active in their lives. And they always talk about Him with the utmost reverence and respect. It's so different to how I and many of my friends talk. Not that we don't believe that the Lord is real, but it's as if He's more on the peripherals of our lives, rather than ruling as the total and complete LORD of our lives. Sometimes we joke around about God, or when someone says "No way!" I'll respond with "Yahweh!" It's funny sure, but how is that respecting the holy name of the LORD? These men are so single-heartedly devoted to their God that it shows through in their speech. I hope I can learn to be the same.

Monastic Journal - Day 7

1/13

Today was a transition day. We started off with the normal morning routine at Lansing, with breakfast and morning prayer. We met with Tadgh to discuss more of our Desert Fathers book, which is getting better as we go on, but still kind of boring and difficult. Then we had two more sessions this morning, one with Nico on the brotherhood covenant, and the other with Mike about the devil and spiritual warfare. By the way, tonight we made the discovery that Nico was literally a rocket scientist! He was an aerospace engineer major at UofM. And now he has his masters in theology or something like that. Nico is my new hero.

After lunch we packed up and headed off to the house in Chelsea. It's on a property of about 180 acres in a beautifully wooded area. I'm looking forward to exploring here. It's mostly older brothers here though, so it's probably not going to come with as much fun as we had in Lansing with the younger guys. A little while after we got here, we had a session with an older guy named Bruce on the Psalms. It was interesting, but I could barely stay awake during it.

Then we went to Ann Arbor for dinner and a UCO prayer meeting. This was pretty good, and we met a lot of people whose names I'm not going to remember, or probably ever meet again.

Now it's a quarter past 11, and I still have to read a bunch from the Desert Fathers and do word study assignments on the Psalms for tomorrow before I have to wake up before SIX-FLIPPING-AM! AHH! All of that probably won't get done before then. Oh well. Goodnight.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 6

1/12

Today was another really good day. As the six of us from HU have gotten more relaxed and comfortable in this environment and the people here, we have tended to be more goofy and immature (in the silly way, not the dumb way). Sometimes I feel like the other guys in the house think we're idiots, but in a way that they still like us ( I think) and enjoy us. Which is cool.

We had two teaching sessions today, both with Mike Kramer. The first was about living single for the Lord, which is a central precept of the Servants of the Word brotherhood. Mike explained it in a really cool way. Living single for the Lord is merely one particular type of radical discipleship. It's definitely a calling, but not meant for everyone, not even for the majority of people. And if I want to give my life completely to the Lord in radical discipleship (which I do), then living single is definitely an option that I should consider (which I am). Also, Mike made the point that, according to Jesus, in heaven marriage will not exist--living single and wholly devoted to the Lord will be THE reality. So in that sense, living single now is a prophetic lifestyle, pointing toward the reality of Heaven. It tells us that marriage is not the most important thing in the world--God is. So it was cool to get these new perspectives.

This afternoon and evening we had a lot of free time, which consisted largely of playing darts with various people. Nagib was goofing off and tried to throw a dart from his desk on the other side of the basement room, a good 30 feet away at least. And he MADE IT! It was the second coolest thing I've seen in darts this week. The first was the other night when my second dart throw landed in the tail of the first dart. It was sweet.

Anyways, later this evening, the six of us sat down with Mike and Nico and just had an open forum type discussion. We talked about chanting, charismatic worship, finances, and lots of other stuff. There were two big highlights I want to mention. When we asked them why all the brothers went off to different churches on Sunday morning, we quickly delved into a talk about ecclesiology, denominational divisions, and church unity, or in this case, disunity. And after a while into the discussion, I suddenly realized that with all the differences in doctrine between denominations, the Church, as a universal whole, will probably never be united in this life. If you have a large group consisting of Catholics, Baptists, Orthodox, and Lutherans, there's no way that they could find common ground in worship, let alone share and celebrate something like Holy Communion together. And that thought made me really sad. This isn't what God wants for His Church (see John 17). Church unity and ecumenism is something I feel very passionately about and think is part of my calling in ministry. I pray that my heart is always broken for the Church, so that I will continue to work for it despite itself. As Augustine (I think) said, "The Church is a whore, but she's my mother."

Today I tried to focus on really trying to submit and surrender my moments and my situations to God. I'm still not good at setting aside time specifically for God, so I'm hoping that He continues to work in me on that front and I get better at it during the next 8 days or so we have left of our J-term.

We leave the Lansing house tomorrow afternoon for the main house at Chelsea. I'll be sad to go. It feels like we've been here a lot longer than just six days. But I know that God has a lot more in store for the rest of our time with the Servants of the Word, and I'm excited to see what that holds for us.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 5

1/11

Today (Sunday) was what it was intended to be: a day of rest. And that was really nice. I appreciated it. I didn't really learn any great spiritual truths or have any profound God moments today, but I think God just used this day to let me rest. And it occurs to me that that is what the Sabbath is all about, which I hardly ever practice.

We went to church with Mike Kramer this morning. It was alright. Afterward though he took us out to lunch at a breakfast buffet, which was awesome. We had to make a stop at Wal-Mart to buy new darts for the house, since we basically ruined most of their darts over many a game of cricket.

About mid-afternoon we went to the Lord's Day gathering for the Work of Christ community. This was pretty good, but it left me uncomfortable and raised a lot of questions within me. There was a lot of singing and prayer, in the charismatic style that I've gotten more used to. Then there was a time for healing and prayer and words of prophecy. This was the part that gave rise to the skeptic in me. Nothing really astounding happened during this time today in the healing, but I did hear some speaking in tongues. Part of me wanted something great and conclusive to happen to "help me with my unbelief," as the man said to Jesus (I don't remember the reference). But i just stood there, skeptical. Part of me thinks that because maybe I've never been baptized in the Spirit and never experienced these things firsthand, that's what makes it so hard to accept. But another part of me asks, if this is the work of the Holy Spirit, who is very present in that moment, then why am I so uncomfortable? I'm a Christian--I've been reconciled to God by Christ through the Holy Spirit. So shouldn't I at least feel confident that the Holy Spirit is present? I don't know. That's all I could come away from that gathering with--I don't know. Maybe I'll learn more later about all of this and God will open my eyes to certain things.

We only have a day and a half left here at the house in Lansing, until we move to the house in Chelsea. I'm going to miss it here. It's only been five days, but these men have become my brothers. We've had a lot of good times here. But there's still so much more to come, which I'm excited for.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 4

1/10

Today (Saturday) we started off by going to a men's breakfast for Work of Christ, the local community of families that Servants of the Word associates with. There was awesome food, times of worship and testimony, and good fellowship. The thing that strikes me most about these men who choose to seriously follow the lifestyle of a disciple of Christ is that they are real men. They realize that God created them to be men, and they pursue that with everything that that entails. And in all this they really love the Lord.

When we got back, we had two teaching sessions with Nico (another one of the elders), one on meditation and one on the covenant of the Servants of the Word. On Saturday evenings, the household celebrates the Lord's Day. Since they all go off to different churches on Sunday morning, they take this time to celebrate the Sabbath as their community. They said that this is probably the high point of the week for them, and they take it very seriously. So that is what we did this evening. We began by doing some prayer and worship, then moved into sharing a "feast" (as they call it), which consisted of bread (this delicious bread that Nico made), cheese, and wine (us HU boys passed on the last one :) ), and sharing how God had blessed us this past week. Then we moved into an awesome dinner. After that everyone helped clean up, and it was an awesome experience as Tadgh was playing guitar and everyone was singing songs loudly and having a great time while working. Then there was a group fellowship time, where we all played a large game of mafia and then I played darts with some guys while the rest were upstairs playing board games and such. What I loved about all of this (aside from the great food, fun, and worship) was that the Light of Christ, represented in a candle, was present throughout all of it. This truly was fellowship in Christ. I love that.

A big thing that I love at this house is the diversity. Tadgh is from Ireland, Nagib is from Lebanon, Bernhard is from Germany, Nico is originally from France, and guys from all over the U.S. I love being around so many different people, who are united by the common love of Christ. It's refreshing.

Today, after our session on meditation, I made a point of having some quiet time with the Lord, and I worked on meditation. I popped my Bible open to the Psalms and read the first one I saw, Psalm 100. The last verse was the one that struck me, and I chose to meditate on that. t was simple, but strong: "For the Lord is good, and his love endures forever. His faithfulness continues through all generations." I kept repeating that in my head and out loud. I meditated on the fact that, from the beginning to the end of time, God is faithful to His people. Even though we change and fail and betray Him, the Lord is unchanging in His faithfulness and His love that endures forever. He is good, and I am not. I think I'm going to try and meditate a bit more before bed.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 3

1/9

It was a pretty normal day, schedule wise. After breakfast and morning prayer we had two teaching sessions. THen in the afternoon, there was a UCO event, where a bunch of guys came over and we went and played ultimate frisbee in the park. It was cold and snowy, but a lot of fun. Then all those guys came back to the house for dinner, and a "dude movie." It was cool to just relax and have some fun and watch a movie we wouldn't be allowed to watch at HU. Then after night prayer and cleaning up, a few of us stood around in the kitchen and had a really good talk with Tadgh and Kevin, who offered a lot of great insight into our questions, some of which I will be putting down here. First off we talked about living single for the Lord, and I talked to them about my feelings toward it, and it was great to get their perspective.

But the main thing I need to put down is what we talked about in one of our morning sessions, and what has been on my heart and mind all day--the baptism of the Holy Spirit. In our teaching session, Mike (one of the elders) put it in a very eye-opening way. The Holy Spirit is active in all of creation, holding everything together, and since I have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is active in me too. But in Acts 17, the believers had been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus, but had not yet received the Holy Spirit. In the session we went on to talk about spiritual gifts and how the Holy Spirit manifests the power of God in us through these spiritual gifts. I haven't had much experience or authoritative teaching on spiritual gifts, but I think I've seen hints of them in my life at certain points. But this really opened my eyes to the fact that there is more for me, if I want it. I think that, up to this point in my life, I've been living as a believer in Christ but never having been fully baptized in the Holy Spirit, like the believers in Acts. Maybe that's what my spiritual life has been missing. I've known for a while that there's so much more growth to be had, and so much more that God can do in my life, but have become so frustrated when I can't grasp it. The Holy Spirit will work in me in powerful ways to grow me, to bring the Scriptures to life, and to use my spiritual gifts to bless others. I want this.

The Holy Spirit is the part of the Trinity that always seems to get neglected in protestant churches. That's something that I've really appreciated being here, is the emphasis on the Spirit. It's definitely something that other Christians could benefit from. I think it's because we're scared of it. We're scared that it'll make us look goofy to the rest of the world. Well, it sucks sometimes, but being a follower of Christ is not about the world. It's about God, and what He wants for our lives. I'm hoping that I continue to learn more about this and am able to apply it to my life.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 2

1/8

Today started very early--7:30am. A little too early for my sleep schedule. We started off with breakfast with all the brothers of the house, and then we moved into morning prayer. This was a great time of consecrating my day to God, and starting it off by worshiping Him. I enjoyed this time a lot. I think I'm already getting more used to the charismatic worship. I felt more comfortable praying out loud today and freeing my spirit to worship God. I'm still struggling though with connecting with God through chanting the psalms. I find it very peaceful and relaxing, but as a form of worship I haven't yet grasped it.

This morning we had teachings by both Tadgh and Brian. Brian talked to us about Christ as our foundation. It really struck me how I can have all these things as foundations of my spiritual life (such as prayer, worship, study and knowledge of Scripture, etc.), but if Christ is not the foundation of these things, then they are worthless.

After lunch, we worked with Mike Kramer on the garage, organizing and cleaning it out. I'm glad they've been putting us to work here, not treating us like guests but like members of their family.

It's been good getting to know some of the other men here. I love hearing their stories of how God has worked in their lives and brought them here.

*SDG

Monastic Journal - Day 1

This is the journal I'm keeping for my independent study J-term, Exploring Modern Monasticism. I've been writing it down in a journal, so I'll try to transfer it here as often as I can.

1/7

After driving through bad roads and an almost blizzard, we arrived at the house in Lansing around 7 or so, much late than they were expecting us. But we were made very welcome. The house here is nothing like I was expecting. It's a tri-plex house, and filled with mostly younger guys--guys who barely seem older than us. They all seem really cool and laid back, and they made us feel very welcome here.

Pretty soon after we got here there was a UCO (University Christian Outreach) meeting, and the house was filled with lots of different people. Tadgh (pronounced like "Tyge"--he's Irish), one of the leaders here, told us to be prepared for charismatic worship, including praying out loud and speaking in tongues. I've been around some charismatic worship, but not much. I've never witness speaking in tongues before. The meeting was very interesting, and very good. The "prayer time" was not what I typically imagine for a prayer time. It consisted of singing songs of worship intermixed with outspoken prayer (by everyone at the same time), Scripture reading, and sharing by various people. The praying out loud part was what was most unusual and uncomfortable for me. I was held back by fear of saying something dumb, and lack of things to say. I know during that time that I wasn't letting go of control over myself and giving everything to God, and for some reason, I couldn't. One of the sisters during the prayer time read out of Zephaniah 3, which talked about the love of God singing over us. I got the feeling that, in these next two weeks, the love of God was going to be too strong for my defenses to hold up against. Part of me knows that's what I need, but part of me seems scared to let it happen, and I do not know why.

After the prayer meeting, there was fun and games. I had a good time playing an intense game of Scattergories. After that was night prayer, which consisted of chanting/singing a psalm or two. It was unusual for me, but it was very soothing, while being reverent at the same time.

I'm really looking forward to what God is going to do in these next two weeks. I really want to learn from these guys and how they live. I had forgotten during most of this time that all of these guys have committed to living single for the Lord. They seem very happy and content, and I want to learn more from them about that, since singleness has been something that God has put on my heart a lot this year.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to sleep well tonight, with sleeping on the floor, and apparently with two loud snorers. Oh well, we'll see.

*SDG

Living with monks!

Today i'm leaving for my J-term class, where i, along with five other guys, will be going up to Michigan to live with monks for two weeks. These aren't traditional, live in a monastery, robe-wearing, weird haircut, silent monks. The organization is called Servants of the Word, and these guys all have regular jobs and stuff, but live together in a spiritual community and support each other. They all have also taken vows of celibacy, to live single for the Lord. I'm really excited about this opportunity. None of us going really know what to expect, since we haven't been given many details about what our day-to-day living will look like, but all i'm really expecting is that God is going to do some great things in my life, and in the lives of those going with me. I'm also really looking forward to getting their perspective on singleness, and i've been praying that God will use this to help me further define His call for me in that area.

I've known for a while (since last summer), that the call to be a disciple requires work on my end, and the practice of spiritual disciplines. But i can never seem to find the motivation to work for it. I'm praying that this adventure will show me the joys of practicing the spiritual disciplines in my life and the joy of finding growth in my relationship with God. So we're about to leave in a couple hours, and i'm just going to give this whole thing up to God, and pray that He does with this as He will. I'm definitely going to be journaling a lot, and i'll try to update on here, but i'm not sure what my access to wireless will be like up there. so we shall see.