A Decision

I haven't dated anyone for about 4 years. Most of that time I'd be alright with that, but there would be times when I would get lonely. I'd really feel a great need to have a girlfriend--someone to love and who would love me back. So oftentimes, when a girl who showed any sort of interest in me or was appealing to me, I would start fantasizing about being with her. I would imagine her being my girlfriend and being in love and being perfectly happy. So, imagining myself liking her, I would start to believe that I really did like her. But these feelings would only pop up when I thought about her, never when I was actually with her. And often when I meet a new girl or have a good time with a female friend, I wonder automatically if they would be a good candidate for dating. This has happened more times than I can count, and it drives me nuts. It has bothered me so much for such a long time, and I'm sure it can't be helpful for my relationships with my female friends and how I view girls in general.

So as I've grown a lot closer to God over the past few months, a thought as arisen in me that the greatest thing I could sacrifice to God would be this longing--for love, sex, family, etc. I didn't really like that idea at all. That's one of my greatest wishes--to fall in love, get married and have a family. God surely wouldn't ask me to give that up, would he?

So I kind of brushed that away as something for people other than me, but the thought kept popping up in my mind. Then last Friday, I had a conversation with Dr. Bergler, a professor of mine, about how he used to be a monk. He said that when he joined this brotherhood, he made a commitment not to pursue any type of romantic relationship during that time. This really sparked something within me. I don't know yet if God is calling me to a life of celibacy. I think it's a possibility. But for now, I have made the decision to not pursue any kind of romantic relationship at all for a while. I don't know what God will do with that, if He will lead me down the path of celibacy or place an amazing woman in my life that He wants me to pursue. But I do know that I've already seen the benefits of this decision, even after only a few days. My attitude towards my female friends has been one of great love, but without the thoughts of "Ooh, maybe she would be a good one to date..." I've felt so much more free already , unhindered by the need for a girl. My first impression of a girl is not measuring in my mind if she's datable material anymore. I can actually focus on developing pure relationships with people, rather than with selfish motives. And all of this just by making a tiny decision. To me that just shows how much God cares about relationships. I think this decision will be great for helping me to focus more on God and pursuing Him, rather than a girl. I'm excited to see where He takes me with this.