St. Augustine on Love and Lust

I'm currently reading "Confessions" by St. Augustine. It continues to amaze me that this man who lived around 1700 years or so ago can still speak to my struggles and sorrows and joys today. The vulnerability of his writing and the philosophy of his thinking astound me. I'm not very far into the book still, but every so often there will come a section that hits me hard, right where I'm at. I read such a section today, and I want to share it:

Book III.1

"I went to Carthage, where I found myself in the midst of a hissing cauldron of lust. I had not yet fallen in love, but I was in love with the idea of it, and this feeling that something was missing made me despise myself for not being more anxious to satisfy the need. I began to look around for some object for my love, since I badly wanted to love something. I had no liking for the safe path without pitfalls, for although my real need was you, my God, who are the food of the soul, I was not aware of this hunger. I felt no need for the food that does not perish, not because I had had my fill of it, but because the more I was starved of it the less palatable it seemed. Because of this my soul fell sick. It broke out in ulcers and looked about desperately for some material, worldly means of relieving the itch which they caused. But material things, which have no soul, could not be true objects for my love. To love and to have my love returned was my heart's desire, and it would be all the sweeter if I could also enjoy the body of the one who loved me.
So I muddied the stream of friendship with the filth of lewdness and clouded its clear waters with hell's black river of lust. And yet, in spite of this rank depravity, I was vain enough to have ambitions of cutting a fine figure in the world. I also fell in love, which was a snare of my own choosing. My God, my God of mercy, how good you were to me, for you mixed much bitterness in that cup of pleasure! My love was returned and finally shackled me in the bonds of its consummation. In the midst of my joy I was caught up in the coils of trouble, for I was lashed with the cruel, fiery rods of jealousy and suspicion, fear, anger, and quarrels."

With all my thoughts this past year about love and singleness, this really spoke to me. Augustine's description of the process of falling in love with the idea of love is spot on with what I've experienced. As long as I continue to seek after nourishment that is perishable, I'll continue to struggle and be left unsatisfied. So often I'm not hungry for the nourishment of God because I haven't had it in so long. It became "less palatable."

Augustine is one of my new heroes.