Agapao is a higher kind of love. It is a love that regards something as more important than yourself, and places its will above your own. It is to cherish something with reverence, and it is willing to give up everything for the object of it's love. It is a tendency of the will rather than an emotion. One definition states: ἀγαπάω denotes to take pleasure in the thing, prize it above other things, be unwilling to abandon it or do without it. In a sense, agapao love is often the cause of phileo love. Agapao is used to tell of God's love for people and the world. It is a higher, self-sacrificial, deliberately willing love.
These definitions are interesting to note when we look at the last chapter of the Gospel of John. It is after Jesus has been resurrected and appears to His disciples. He approaches Peter, who just a few days earlier had betrayed Jesus by denying association with Him. He asks Peter a blunt question: "Do you truly agapao me?" Peter, full of shame at his denial, can only tell the truth before his Lord, who knows all things before they are said. He responds bluntly, with "Yes, Lord, you know that I phileo you." Jesus responds, "Feed my lambs."
Peter knows that his actions have shown his heart, and he is honest in his confession that he is not where Jesus expects him to be. He cannot say truthfully that he agapao loves Jesus with this sacrificial love that Jesus asks and expects of him. How awkward is this? It would be like today if a guy told his girlfriend "I love you" for the first time, and was met with the response of "Yeah, I like you a lot, too." How humiliating this must have been for Peter, who is met head-on with his guilt and shame in the presence of his Lord Jesus.
Jesus asks Peter a second time, "Do you agapao me?" To which Peter can only respond again, "Yes, Lord, you know that I phileo you." Jesus responded with, "Take care of my sheep."
Then the third time Jesus says to Peter, "Simon son of John, do you phileo me?" This time Jesus concedes to Peter's position, to make sure that he loves him even with a phileo love. Now Peter is hurt. Not only did Jesus ask him this question a third time, but the third time stung even more because Jesus was questioning even his phileo love. Peter responds, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I phileo you." Peter is basically saying to Jesus, "You know everything about me and how weak I am. You know that this phileo is all I have to give right now in my weakness."
This is such an interesting passage that we completely miss over in our English translations. It's kind of depressing too, because this is Peter, the rock upon which Jesus is going to build His Church! This is that same Peter, saying that he can't really love Jesus enough! But this isn't where the story ends. After Peter's third response, Jesus says to him,
"Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"
By telling Peter that someday he would end up dying to glorify God, Jesus is basically saying to him, "You do not agapao love me now, but you will. Someday it will come down to you giving your life up for me, which is the same kind of self-sacrificing love that I have for you." There is hope for Peter. Someday he will glorify God in the highest form possible, because of his agapao love for Him. I imagine that, while standing before Jesus in his shame, Peter really wants to say that he agapao loves Jesus, but just can't. Jesus tells him that he will get there someday, and in the meantime, to follow Him anyway and tend His sheep.
If you are really honest with yourself, can you truly say that you agapao love Jesus? Does our love for Jesus often stop once it stops being convenient or comfortable for us? Can we really say that we will give up everything and regard Jesus as so much greater that ourselves because of our love for Him?
Jesus knows our weaknesses. He knows that a lot of the time we don't live up to expectations. But still he says to us, "Follow me," regardless of where we are at. If we really desire to know agapao love for Christ, he promises us that we will. It doesn't matter that we are not perfect. None of Jesus original disciples were. Jesus still tells us to follow him and gives us the responsibility of feeding His sheep. He trusts us enough to know that we will grow. Jesus' agapao love he shows in dying for us and then trusting us in our imperfections is what will lead us on to grow in our agapao love for Him. Jesus works in us despite our weaknesses. He says to us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
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