Of Foundations and Blessings

Last week was a week of incredible learning for me. It was a week of incredible shame and growth (i hope). It was a week where part of my foundation was revealed, and it was not what i thought it would be. Which was at the same time scary and wonderful.

It started last weekend when i went to go visit my good friend Austin in Columbus. On the way there, just outside of Columbus, i got into a tiny car wreck, in which i rear-ended someone, who rear-ended someone else at a stop light. Everyone was fine, and insurance is taking care of the damage, but as it was my fault, i got a citation for it. Fortunately, the officer there told me he could have held me in custody until i could pay the ticket, since i was an out-of-towner, but he was gracious with me and didn't. Now typically, a $130 traffic citation isn't that big of a deal, you just pay it and you don't have to show up for your court date and all is well. But this happened to come at a time when i was completely broke.

I had about $15 to my name. And my family is just about as broke as i am, with both parents, for all intents and purposes, out of work--so they couldn't help me. And then it happened that money i thought i had coming to me pretty soon, wasn't. I thought i would be getting my scholarship check from the church i interned at this past summer any day now, but when i emailed my pastor, he said that they were having trouble rounding up the money, and they might have to split up the checks, but they would definitely get it all to me by the end of the year, 2009. When i read those words, my heart, and my hope, started to sink. I had no options. Suddenly a small ticket turns into a big deal if you have no way to pay for it, and you know that they will come and arrest you if you don't pay in time.

This all started to come crashing down on me on Tuesday of last week. This is when i started to realize that i had no options, i was broke, and this might end with me getting arrested. I started to panic. I'd never been in a situation like this before. I didn't know what to do. I cried multiple times that day, and was praying about it all day, crying out to God because it felt like i was cornered in the ring and about to go down. Cornered, helpless, and panicking--these weren't feelings i was used to.

And all the time, i was thinking to myself, Why am i getting so worked up about all this? I knew that Christ was my source of hope and life and that i was never helpless with Him on my side. I knew that. I knew that verse that said how beautiful and well taken care of the birds and the flowers are, and since i am so much more important than them, why should i worry? I knew that God was always with me, would never leave me nor forsake me. So why was i acting like this?

It occurred to me then, in the midst of all this stress, that maybe the Lord was trying to show me something about myself. My foundation has not been built solely on Him or the authority of His Word. A big part of my foundation has always been my comfort. My security. I've never been rich or well off or wanted to live with high standards, but i've always had money available to me if i needed it. There is a great security in that. There is a great security in knowing that, even if i don't have much money, still i have enough. I've never been attached to money or been materialistic or greedy, and was always fine with living simply, but just knowing that it was there was enough for me.

This struck me like a bag of bricks. My foundation has been built on something other than Christ.

This is sin. This is idolatry. And i've allowed it to become a foundational part of who i am. This is a big deal. And i think that shook me up more than anything. But at the same time, i was so grateful. Grateful that this was happening now, and that this sin was being revealed now. I posted on my facebook status something to the effect of "sometimes the house has to be shaken in order for the foundation to be revealed." And my friend Brian replied, "I'd rather be shaken sooner than later - to reveal any weakness before things get built too high!" So true. God chose through this extremely stressful occasion to reveal to me the quality and make-up of my foundation at this time in my life, before i continued to build and build on top of it until it would cause irreparable damage. The truth of Matthew 6:24 really hit me here:

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Since last Tuesday, God has blessed me abundantly. Whether through the generosity of friends or mentors, or from earning money where i didn't expect to, the Lord has provided me with much more than i needed. Last Wednesday, i had lunch with my campus pastor, and told him how stressed i had been because of this situation, and he stopped and pulled out his wallet, handing me $130 right there. I was flabbergasted (always a fun word to use) at this, until he reminded me that, we always seem so astounded when things like this happen, but we forget that this is what the Body of Christ is for--to support each other and be there for each other in need. Last week i was definitely blessed by the Body of Christ, receiving much more than i needed. And just today, i checked my campus mail and in it was my check from Good Shepherd, in full, and it was actually more than i was expecting.

God is so good, and so faithful to provide for His children when they are in need. Sometimes we need to be shaken in order for our weaknesses to be revealed. Sometimes we need to trust in a power beyond our own. And another lesson i've learned from this is that we are only blessed so that we can bless others. Money is only a blessing if you use it for the glory of God. I pray that God has received the glory due to Him through my situation, through the money that i have received, if only so that we can praise Him for His goodness to us. But also, i pray that He is glorified by showing me how i can bless others through what i have received. I submit this story to you, not to prove that God will always provide you with money if you need it, or to say that my life is so much better now that i have money. But i pray that together we can praise God for being a God of provision, being a God of faithfulness, and being a God of hard truths. I give this story for His Kingdom's sake, praying that God will be praised and the Body of Christ will be built up in the Spirit, learning to give and receive with the intentional love and support of Christ. You and i are blessed only in order to bless others.