Pressing On

So this semester did not go as well as I had hoped for spiritually. With all the personal spiritual growth I'd experienced over the summer, it was exciting to apply that to the spiritual community at HU, and at first I thrived. But life--academics, busyness, laziness, etc--caught up with me, and my spiritual life suffered. At times I feel like I failed this semester. I did fine in my classes (I think--grades aren't in yet), but so often I failed as a Christian, as a leader, and as a friend. It's not like I had a crisis of faith or did really terrible things, but I failed to grow, I failed to love, I failed to live out my faith. Even though I'm not one to sugarcoat my life and make everything seem wonderful when it really wasn't (one of my pet peeves), I doubt anyone even noticed. Not that I have unobservant or uncaring friends, but that on the outside, it didn't have much impact. I still lived normally and knew the right things to say. That's almost what bothers me most: the lack of impact. Why doesn't my faith impact the way I live my life? If I'm living for something larger than life, shouldn't that manifest itself in how I live?

Through all of this I'm amazed at God's faithfulness. It's only been in the last few days that I've had the chance to look back and realize that I took several backwards steps on my journey of forward progress in my spiritual life. But even so, God is still faithful. I feel him now urging me onward, despite the lost ground. He is truly unconditional. Unchanging. I've messed up His will for me, and He loves me no less. He helps me no less. That's really amazing.

I feel that right now I can accurately echo the words of Paul in Philippians:

...but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

So I will press on. I want to praise God for His faithfulness, and to work more for His will and His Kingdom. I don't want my faith to be circumstantial. I don't want my faith to not have an impact, on my life or the lives of others.