Monday, August 25, 2008

A Decision

I haven't dated anyone for about 4 years. Most of that time I'd be alright with that, but there would be times when I would get lonely. I'd really feel a great need to have a girlfriend--someone to love and who would love me back. So oftentimes, when a girl who showed any sort of interest in me or was appealing to me, I would start fantasizing about being with her. I would imagine her being my girlfriend and being in love and being perfectly happy. So, imagining myself liking her, I would start to believe that I really did like her. But these feelings would only pop up when I thought about her, never when I was actually with her. And often when I meet a new girl or have a good time with a female friend, I wonder automatically if they would be a good candidate for dating. This has happened more times than I can count, and it drives me nuts. It has bothered me so much for such a long time, and I'm sure it can't be helpful for my relationships with my female friends and how I view girls in general.

So as I've grown a lot closer to God over the past few months, a thought as arisen in me that the greatest thing I could sacrifice to God would be this longing--for love, sex, family, etc. I didn't really like that idea at all. That's one of my greatest wishes--to fall in love, get married and have a family. God surely wouldn't ask me to give that up, would he?

So I kind of brushed that away as something for people other than me, but the thought kept popping up in my mind. Then last Friday, I had a conversation with Dr. Bergler, a professor of mine, about how he used to be a monk. He said that when he joined this brotherhood, he made a commitment not to pursue any type of romantic relationship during that time. This really sparked something within me. I don't know yet if God is calling me to a life of celibacy. I think it's a possibility. But for now, I have made the decision to not pursue any kind of romantic relationship at all for a while. I don't know what God will do with that, if He will lead me down the path of celibacy or place an amazing woman in my life that He wants me to pursue. But I do know that I've already seen the benefits of this decision, even after only a few days. My attitude towards my female friends has been one of great love, but without the thoughts of "Ooh, maybe she would be a good one to date..." I've felt so much more free already , unhindered by the need for a girl. My first impression of a girl is not measuring in my mind if she's datable material anymore. I can actually focus on developing pure relationships with people, rather than with selfish motives. And all of this just by making a tiny decision. To me that just shows how much God cares about relationships. I think this decision will be great for helping me to focus more on God and pursuing Him, rather than a girl. I'm excited to see where He takes me with this.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Proclaiming from the Rooftops

"What I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs."
--Jesus, Matthew 10:27



This verse that I discovered a week or so ago is why I feel the need or a call to be a teacher to others. This is why I blog like this. It's not for my own glory or recognition (at least most of the time--I'm not perfect), but I really think God teaches me things so that I can pass them on to others. This gets me excited. This is what I feel called to do with my life. I feel called to lead other Christians into the holy knowledge of God and His Word. Not that I'm an expert or have the inside scoop--but as God teaches me new insights and truths about Himself, I know that He wants me to pass this on.

All credit, honor, and glory to Him--my Teacher, Lord, Savior, God and King.

Friday, August 8, 2008

My Top 5

After a conversation with my brother yesterday, I was compelled to create a list of my Top 5 Favorite Songs of All Time. This was tougher than I thought it would be. The No. 1 spot was easy, but after that was a struggle. After the top spot they are in no specific order. I tried to pick songs that were timeless--I can listen to these without ever getting tired of them, proving that they weren't just part of a music "phase" or something. So here goes my attempt:

1. "Everything" by Lifehouse (this has easily been my favorite song for about 6 or 7 years. I love it)
2. "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay
3. "Untitled #8" by Sigur Ros (there's so many Sigur Ros songs that could have gone here)
4. "Speak to Me Gently" by Future of Forestry
5. "Don't Stop Believing by Journey


There it is (for now). I need to rest.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Batman and Jesus

I just saw The Dark Knight for the third time, and this movie continues to blow me away. I think the third viewing was better than the second, but not as good as the first. This time though, the end made me think even deeper. I love how Batman has to take on the burden of being despised by the very people he works to help. It is a very Christ-like sacrifice on his part. "He was despised and rejected by men" (Isaiah 53:3). Batman is not the hero Gotham wants; he is the guardian and protector it needs. Jesus takes on the burden of giving us what we need--salvation and reconciliation with God, but maybe not necessarily what we want. This is the sacrifice of a hero who knows the people/city he loves better than they do.

I also love how the plot reveals the fallibility not of Good, but of good people. The fall of Harvey Dent really shows how weak even the strongest and best of us can be. But real Good still stands infallible in the character of Batman, who refuses to be corrupted or put down. It shows that Good vs. Evil is not always so simple a battle. In TDK it ends with Good winning out (barely) but being persecuted for it.

If you want to read a great Christian philosophical review of TDK, Greg Boyd has done a great one at his blog which you can find here.

The Practice of the Presence of God

I just finished reading this book, The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. This man was incredible. He was a monk who desired to literally always be in the presence of God in every moment. He desired to completely empty himself of everything that was not of God so that God could have complete rule in his heart. He did every task, however small, for the love of God. His aim was to faithfully and lovingly carry out the duties of the station where God had placed him (Brother Lawrence worked in a kitchen). He said that, "God regards not the greatness of the work, but the love which prompts it." He also said, "In the way of God, thoughts count for little, love is everything."

I read these words and I think about the life that Brother Lawrence lived, and it seems almost unrealistic. I don't know if I'll ever come close to that. Since I started reading it, I've been trying to "practice the presence," but I'm pretty terrible at it. I quickly get wrapped up in something else and completely forget about God for hours at a time. But to Brother Lawrence it was second nature. It was hard for him not to be in the presence of God. That's crazy.

I know that a life lived this way won't happen overnight. I know it will take work. That's what this summer's learning has been about for me. But it's hard for me to grasp this and commit to it. But I want to move forward. One of my favorite quotes from this book was one of encouragement from Brother Lawrence to the one he was writing to: "We must, nevertheless, always work at it, because not to advance in the spiritual life is to go back. But those who have the gale of the Holy Spirit go forward even in sleep." The Holy Spirit needs to be my motivator and guide in this--the gale steering my sails. To progress closer to God even in sleep--now there's something to aim towards.

I want to learn how to really love God. I've realized that I've always known the right words and the right actions. The right way to let others know that I'm a strong follower of Christ. But it's so easy to spout of a Scripture or an encouraging prayer. This is not love. This is scripted. I want to know love. Love is what prompts us to do anything for the object of our love. No matter how small the task, expression, or gift, it is the love behind it that counts. Brother Lawrence had this love for God. He did every task, no matter how menial, for the love of God, because God had put him in that place to do these menial duties in the kitchen. It was God's will that this monk sought to please and fulfill. This is love. To surrender your will to the will of the one you love.